Reality

"The silence, the darkness coming, and the darkness in the faces frighten the child obscurely. He hopes that the hand which strokes his forehead will never stop-will never die. He hopes that there will never come a time when the old folks won't be sitting around the living room, talking about where they've come from, and what they've seen, and what's happened to them and their kinfolk. But something deep and watchful in the child knows that this is bound to end, is already ending."
     Lately I have been feeling the same way about life as the children do in "Sonny's Blues." When one thinks about how these children think about life, it is bleak. Growing up and realizing that life has dark places and times ahead of you is a scary thing to face. I would go as far as saying that this way of thinking never leaves anybody, no matter how old he or she is. The fact that one grows in maturity and is used to being in darkness makes them more aware of the hurt and disappointment it brings. Now these kids, who grew up in Harlem, have probably seen and experienced more darkness than I have when I was their age, but its all relative. My darkness is just as daunting as theirs, no matter how dark their situations may be.
    I am at the point in my life where the decisions I have to make will shortly bring me satisfaction or failure. When I think about what the future holds, I can't help but worry about my current situations. Am I really supposed to pursue the major I am studying? I have experienced death for the first time in my life last month. The dog who had been apart of my life for 14 years, and was like the sister I never had, passed away. This indeed was a dark-reflective time. I am turning 20 years old in 3 weeks. I told my friend this, and he jokingly said, "yea man, you're old. At least 1/4 of your life is over, and maybe even 1/3."
    Maybe the dark times ahead for these children do not encompass what mine are, but I have peace about my life. If I could tell these kids one thing it would be "there is hope." I do not know about their relationships with God or their outlooks on life, but hope would be the message I would portray to them. But then again, maybe they have a better understanding of the reality of this life, but I might have a better understanding of the reality of the life that matters-the one with God.