special post 2

“The Spirit of God Hovered” was written by Steven M. Fettke. In this essay he tackles some very sensitive areas that he has been exposed to in his life. He has a mentally disabled son, Phillip Fettke, who lives with a severe form of Autism. Steven wants to understand his son’s life force of life substance that God breathed into Phillip when he was born. This is life force is apparent in Ezekiel 37:6 “I will put breath in you and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.”  “What does that make him and how should he be viewed by other humans, by believers in the local church.” These are some questions that Dr. Fettke addresses in this essay because having Phillip as his child has altered his understanding of God’s intentions in creation.

     It seems that the Pentecostal church has formed a hierarchy of those with the best gifts most spiritual gifts all the way down to the insignificant people who have been so marginalized to the point where their life force means nothing to the church at all. Fettke states that “if our pneumatology can begin with conception at birth, then those who are not high on the hierarchy of giftedness or significance in the way normally understood can be appreciated for the way God has created them and given them their unique life force.” He opposes the common doctrine that says the Spirit begins to work in someone at “an age of accountability,” because Luke records the angel Gabriel’s claim that John will be “filled with the spirit from birth.” This implies that God did not make a mistake when he created people with disabilities. Their disablements are not a product of human sin or demonic activity and are a part of God’s good creation. Our concept of good and God’s concept of good is different because we marginalize those whose existence seems contrary to contemporary understandings of who is a part of God’s good creation.

            Fettke concludes from Eichrodt’s statement that the image of God is the gift of personhood. This means that we have characteristics of God in us because we received the gift of god making us in his own image. In the church we have formulated ideas of what it means to be human, those who are considered to be able bodied. A reformation of the lens in which things are understood needs to be changed. For the church to say that the disabled need to be divinely healed of their illness is to condemn them for their embodiment. No one chooses how they are marked (embodied), according to Anderson the mark of Jewish circumcision “exemplifies how cultural meanings convey social values.”

            Nancy Eisland says, “My disability had taught me who I am and who God is. What would it mean to be without this knowledge? Would I be absolutely unknown to myself in heaven, and perhaps even unknown to God?” Fettke puts this quote in here because if he and his wife were to wish healing over Phillip then he would not be the one whom God created as a person who happens to have autism. And I am sure he and his wife would not be the people they are today if healing took place.

     This leads me to the part of the essay that needs special interpretation. “That God should be understood to be in the lives of any person, disabled or not, can only be explained by God’s love.” This ties in with the statement, further on in this essay, about the Pentecostals definition of ministry “success.” Now I am not going to try to explain God’s love because it is impossible and will only lead to more questions that we do not know the answers to. This needs to be interpreted because there are many people with disabilities and this essay shows us the flaws the church has concerning the disabled.  At first this statement can seem to be pretty clear, but it is not. Sure, God loves us because he made us in his image and he gave us the Holy Spirit and gave Jesus to die on the cross for those who believe. Some might say that God loves the disabled to, but not in the sense that we know to be his love. This statement is not clear to us because we think that they cannot contribute any ministry to the church and can only be burdensomely ministered to. This statement eludes to something way more than God’s love explaining everything. Sure, it does. But honestly, if we really understand that God is in the lives of any person, then success in ministry would look a lot different. According to Matthew 25: 31-46, the “least of these” are the ones that Jesus represents. They are the ones that Jesus abides in. Philippians 2: 7-8 states that “rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” Although Jesus did not seem to have any physical or mental disability he was not a “perfectly” made human being, he had some “disabilities”. He was not wealthy, there’s no record of him being stunningly handsome, and he died a sinners death (crucifixion was a method of execution used by Rome on runaway slaves). Helen Betenbaugh a permanent disabled human being says this about her condition, “it’s a symbol (she) would present (to the church) of an Easter life, an Easter faith being lived in a Good Friday body.” This sheds light on the fact that part of God’s nature involves suffering. Now weather that is a mental disability of an emotional one, the Spirit started his work in us before birth and the disabled were made into who they are today. Who they are today, disability and all, are perfect.  

     This matters to me and to you because if we deem the physically and mentally persons a burden or how Hauerwas puts it, “we are stuck with them” and, “all things considered, it would be better if they did not exist,” then we will be separated from the sheep. Matthew 25: 31-46 tells us of the importance of the disabled. To the sheep (ones on the right) God will say, “whatever you did for ones of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

Imaaaagination

    Why did the neighbor women tell Pelayo and Elisenda to club the very old man with enormous wings to death? This is the one thing that I cannot grasp in this story. Everything else makes somewhat of some sense to me, other than the fact that I see no moral or message behind this story. But wait! Now that I think about it, there is a message behind this story. Everyone in the story thought this "angel" was sick... but maybe this angel was not sick, maybe he was faking to be sick. Here is the thinking behind my conclusion. Since this story is a tale for children, I have to think and have a wild imagination like a child. The family had something bad coming to them all along. Everything points to this. The weather had been terrible for 3 straight days; the water had washed tons of crabs into Pelayo and Elisenda's house and was making the newborn child sick. So this angel fakes that he is sick and lands in the courtyard. God or whoever was giving the angel directions new that if the family kept living in the same house, the child would die. So it was God who told this odd looking angel to do this. God knew that the appearance of this special angel would cause such curiosity and hype that people from all over would come to see this being. Because the people were so interested, the family knew charging a fee to see the creature wasn't out of the question. The family raises enough money to upgrade houses. This saves the child’s life because when it rains the crabs will not wash up into the house thus causing fever and sickness. Once the hype from this angel's appearance settles down, because God knew the people would not be interested in this for too long, the angel’s mission is complete. So the neighbor woman does make sense now. Every child’s tale seems to have a protagonist and antagonist. Although this story required a lot of imagination, the antagonist was the women who represented an angel of death. She wanted to kill the protagonist, the old man with enormous wings (angel from God).

Omelas=Guilt

It sounds like Ursula K. Le Guin does not believe in fairy tales. Throughout the whole story she is describing a beautiful city and beautiful people but at the end it all changes. These people who walk away from Omelas are the ones who realize that fairy tales exist, but it is at the expense of others' well being. This is the message that Le Guin is trying to portray. No matter how perfect the society is, or how docile the people are, there is always something behind the scene or in this case cooped up in a small room that detracts from the utopia. "The terms are strict." This tells me that there was some sort of deal between this utopian society and another being. This surely tells us about how politics runs this society. The part of the story that puzzles me is when the author says, "One thing I know there is none of in Omelas is guilt." But later on it tells me that when people see this locked up child for the first time "they may brood over it for weeks or years." This certainly sounds like guilt to me, or at least a side effect of guilt. Then the people make excuses and say, "Indeed after so long it would probably be wretched without walls about it to protect it, and darkness for its eyes, and its own excrement to sit in." I do not know if the statement by Le Guin is sarcasm when she says the guilt is absent in Omelas because this whole society seems guilty and excuses are rampant. Indeed there are no fairy tale societies but if enough people believe and adore in a perverted way of living than sure fairy tales exist but only at the expense of another’s conscious. The conscious of the few who walk away have been troubled, thus destroying the very thing they hoped and dreamed was a reality. The only ones to admit their guilt and want to do something about it are the ones who leave Omelas and never return. Where are they going, the ones who walk away? They just know that Omelas is not where they are going.

Figurative Language

    Metaphors/Figurative language:
"among whom you appear as lights in the world"
"But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrafice and service of your faith"
"whose god is their appetite"
"who set their minds on earthly things"
"taking the form of a bond servant"
"fruit of righteousness"

The language Paul uses in his letter to the Philippian Church does contain some figurative images and phrases. For instance he uses the phrase "Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers, beware of the false circumcision." This phrase highlights all the corrupt people and ideas that have been circulating around the church at this time. It serves as a warning from a friend of this church. One's perception of the meaning of this letter to the church might change from a shallow letter of trying to get a gift from the church to a letter of real concern for the well being of the church because it is a part of the Body of Christ. Paul considers these people brothers in his faith because they share the same passion for the gospel. This point is further reinstated when Paul tells the church he wants to send Timothy to them. "But you know of his proven worth, that he served with me in the furtherance of the gospel like a child serving his father." This metaphor "like a child serving his father" is a crucial point to understand. One's perception could change from thinking that this letter is a far-fetched demand of the church, to a plea for its benefit and the benefit to others. Children don't do work for their father's because they have to, they work for their fathers to please them, and because they know a noble cause is the underlying motivation. Paul uses the figurative phrase "the cause of Christ" when referring to his imprisonment. One needs to understand that seemingly bad things happen to good people because most of the time the good people want the "bad" things to happen to them. Paul is not angry with God or the church for putting this on him, he rejoices in this bad circumstance because it was a great thing. His will and God's will were lined up and because of that, the gospel was preached and boldness was given to the brethren who were also spreading the gospel. 

Pass

USING MY 2nd PASS!

Oranges

     The way Gary Soto uses symbolism in his poem Oranges is genius. He does a great job of taking an object and giving it meaning. Although this meaning could have been applied in different ways, it is necessary for him to write about the orange's meaning to him. It is an interesting gift to be able to take an object that has no meaning to anyone else except oneself and reveal the significance of that object to an audience. Some examples of this in today's society can include many commercials like Brett Favre's Wrangler commercials. He takes a brand of jeans, an arbitrary object, and basically tells the audience that these jeans have been a part of his life forever. Another example could be in Gatorade's commercials of the letter "G." The meaning behind this letter includes athletes’ ability to outperform their competitors because they have the electrolytes needed for energy. Finally, symbolism is used by Jesus in a lot of parables. Jesus tells the people that he is like the groom and his followers or church is like the bride. Although this symbol easier to understand, Jesus uses this to explain his love for them and the devotion of his followers to him. Symbolism is all around us, and it is true that effective symbolism is created by an effective "turn." This turn is either done consciously or unconsciously and moves from something familiar or established to something fresh. An example of an unconsciously making of a symbol would be something that is made fresh throughout the course of time that others pick up on. We see this happen all the time in sports. A young kid grows up playing his sport and is unaware that he is a prodigy. Others may be able to see the potential of greatness in him like a coach or parent. These coaches and parents are the only ones who see the kid's unconscious efforts at becoming a franchise symbol quarter back or pitcher. On the other hand conscience "turns" at creating symbolism usually do not require as much time to develop as unconscious turns do. Anyone can place significance or fond memories on a random object and boom, there's your symbol. The trick is to convey the meaning of the symbol in an effective way. Gary Soto does this beautifully in his poem Oranges.

The Man who Came to Dinner

     I attended and watched the play The Man who Came to Dinner on Friday night, November 12. This play was a great experience. To me it evoked the nature of the well known novel by Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol. Since Christmas is just around the corner, I thought this play would end with Mr. Whiteside finally coming to the realization that he was a selfish and cynical man, just like Scrooge. I thought this was going to happen when, by the end of the play, everybody was turning against Mr. Whiteside and it looked like he was going to lose his secretary (Maggie). I thought for sure he was going to help the Doctor with his book, apologize to the nurse and Stanley's kids, let Maggie marry Burt, and drop the suit against Mr. Stanley. But that would have been easy to predict and would fall under Corrigan's idea of "fast food literature." This play was a fine dining experience, after all it was 10 bucks! I have learned throughout this literature course, some works of literature are not made to solely convey morals. This play was mostly about the development of Mr. Whiteside's character. When Mr. Stanley gave Whiteside the fifteen minute count to get out of the house, I thought he would change his attitude but he did not. Maybe an underlying theme here is how a little bit of wealth and fame can cause one to want more wealth and fame. I think Mr. Whiteside would have been embarrassed to admit to all of his friends in high places that he accidentally fell and broke his hip, but instead he wanted to suit the Stanley’s for 150,000$ to make it look like it was their fault for his mistake, or just out of pure greed. I cannot help but think of the verse in James 2:6 "Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court?" The actors in this play were very talented; Mr. Whiteside's character played a great role. The one thing that astonishes me is how these actors can stay in character for that long of time, and especially after those 10 minute intermissions. Bravo to the actors and the theatre department for choosing a work that was not ordinary and especially not ordinary for this time of year.

Those were the Days...

So in the boys next door, one might feel sorry for the characters. One might never wish the mental disabilities that Norman, Lucien, Arnold, and Barry have on their worst enemies. I have thought, and maybe this is a general conclusion that most ignorant people think about the mentally disabled, that they are trapped in a cage and are helpless. Although what I am about to state may be controversial, I have given it some thought.
    Maybe the boys next door do have it "made." Maybe all of their dreams do come true for them. Because they are not in touch with reality, they can make their own reality; and if someone tried to tell them otherwise then that person was not in touch with reality. I can definitely see how this could be the case with Barry. From his conversation with Mr. Hedges, or "Hodges", Barry truly believes that he is the Class A teaching professional who can fix his clients golf game. Heck, he even runs a business off of this premise. Obviously this is his reality and he has made a living out of it. The summary on the back of the book states, "Barry, a brilliant schizophrenic who is devastated by the unfeeling rejection of his brutal father, fantasizes that he is a golf pro."
     Look at Lucien P. Smith for a second. He has the mind of a five year old. He cannot read and can barely say coherent sentences. But Jesus states in Matthew 18:3 "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Children are dependent on their parents to look out for their welfare and for their needs. I think Jesus is telling his disciples here that to enter the kingdom you have to give up your independence and become dependent on him. In the same way Lucien depends on Government funding and a social worker to live. All I am getting at is that maybe Lucien feels safe and taken care of at his current state. So maybe he really doesn't have it as bad as we might think...maybe we do because we all strive for our independence.
     Norman and Shelia's love seems so elementary and genuine. I can remember my first love, although I won’t share it with you I can definitely say that I did forget the words of Taylor Swift in her song Fifteen, "don't forget to look before you fall". I fell, and so do Norman and Shelia. Man, what a beautiful feeling. Truly, I think Norman has it better than if I was dating the finest women on earth (Miley Cyrus), because he doesn't have any baggage from the past that we know of. He displays the same juvenile mindset as a love-struck fifteen year old would when he predicts Shelia and his marriage and children.
     So maybe the mentally handicapped do not have it as bad as we make it out to be. After all I would not know what it would be like to be mentally handicapped. But I do know what it felt like to be 5 years old imaging I was Michael Jordan, or 14 years old and falling like a sack of potatoes for my first love. Those were the days...

Barry and his Giant

    
     The Boys Next Door is a great piece of work where a lot of solid themes can be extracted and applied to real life. I want to focus on one aspect of this play where Barry and his father, Mr. Klemper reunite after not seeing each other for 9 years. What I am hoping to learn from this scene and from Barry, is how to not shy away from the giants in my life that I face and affect me every day of my life. Barry thinks that he needs to be superstar golf pro for his father to accept him. I pick up on the fact that Barry was probably abused as a child by his father, from the scene where they reunite. Once Mr. Kempler hits Barry across the face, Barry seems to go into this shell of fear from back when he was a kid. He made himself something he is not, partly because of his disorder and probably because of his child hood abuse situation. Now I know that Barry suffers from schizophrenia, but I do not know what the causes of it are. Here is some research that I found on schizophrenia....

"Schizophrenia is a brain disorder that affects the way a person acts, thinks, and sees the world. People with schizophrenia have an altered perception of reality, often a significant loss of contact with reality. They may see or hear things that don’t exist, speak in strange or confusing ways, believe that others are trying to harm them, or feel like they’re being constantly watched. With such a blurred line between the real and the imaginary, schizophrenia makes it difficult—even frightening—to negotiate the activities of daily life. In response, people with schizophrenia may withdraw from the outside world or act out in confusion and fear."

    
     This passage states that a schizophrenic may believe that others are trying to harm them. In this same article where I found this passage it states that, "most cases of schizophrenia usually appear in the late teens or early adulthood." With this information I can guess that Barry's case of schizo was probably affected by his father. Again this conclusion is made from the fact that Barry seemed to immediately curl up into a child-like state of mind once his father harmed him. So maybe in this case, Barry's disorder could have been prevented if he had just "faced his giant" and confronted his father's actions. It is a difficult and daring task (one that I have failed to own many of times) but, avoiding a situation might make one feel comfortable for the moment, but have devastating effects on one's life the more the giant is allowed to grow.




http://www.helpguide.org/mental/schizophrenia_symptom.htm

Response to "Walking Home from Oak-Head"

I sit in the hall of a school or in the seat in the library
wandering about time. "How have I spent this time and
for what reason have I spent this time?" I ask myself.
I spend this time because I want to make good times later in life and ultimately in eternal life.

In these halls and in these chairs is where time seems to stand still.
Half of the time I don't know what time it actually is.
I do believe that time is meant to be spent observing its qualities.
This happens when one thinks back on all the good times he has had

or all the past failures that have affected his life. To think back on the good
and on the bad, is what brings my heart elation.
The funny thing is, is that these reminiscent moments are spent in nature
where like Oliver describes, it "brings out the lovely meaningless of time."

Why does time spent in nature have to be different than times spent in a library
or in a school hall, or in music, words, in the fires of the heart?
These times are all the same. Learning, watching, praying, listening are all ways that time is spent.
They all contribute to the walk home from Oak-Head, where home is the final destination of who we really are.

So the times, good and bad spent here on earth, on this long walk home
will seem like the world is falling apart
but no need to worry because waiting by the door
inside that warm log cabin

will be the lover a man who has been draggin'
draggin' with times on his back and in his head that have weighed him down
and still other times that have made his arrival worthwhile.
But it is kind of funny how all these memories might vanish

Because once I reach that warm place
and worship the one who made my face
new memories of streets of gold, angelic beings, and pearly gates
will replace all the times spent that I thought could never be erased.

Adam :/

I wonder what it was like..
How did the grass feel between your toes?
Did mosquitoes ever bother you?
I bet you were never frightened
because you had Him with you.
What was the temperature like?
Was it all you had hoped and imagined?
I bet you never went hungry,
I bet you never had a boring moment.

How could you have messed up so badly?
The grass cuts my feet.
The mosquitoes bite at my flesh!
I am frightened because I know things are out there to get me in the dark.
I am hungry and cannot eat the wild fruits because they are poisonous.
All this happened because you fell.

But there is still beauty in this fallen world.
I can still find satisfaction through the pain I endure.
I can still recognize the beauty of this world.
But I can only imagine what it looked like back in your time.
The withered trees and the oily waters seem to tell me of their glory days
when their leaves were vibrant and waters were crystal clear.

I have to listen so intently though to hear nature
I bet in your days before your fall, the trees and waters shared in your joy.
But now, now they moan and talk about "back then."
And sense I am your son, I am disconnected with this world just as you were.
It runs in the family.
The only difference is, is that you lived in a time where you saw true beauty.
So what I see is true beauty in a fallen world.



I went to Lake Bonny Park for this field trip, and I stayed there for at least 45 minutes.
My time spent at Lake Bonny park was a very eventful visit. I will do it more often. The thing that got me was the fact that it was Halloween night, around 7 o’clock, when I went for my visit, alone. I was startled a bit when I heard things in the dark. It sounded like something was being eaten. The mosquitoes were very annoying and I must have run into at least 30 spider webs as I walked along the 1.3 mile long walking trail. My head was filled with many different types of thoughts. Some of the thoughts took me back to past memories of my childhood. The trees along the trail reminded me of the trees that bordered my Nana's house out in the North Carolina country. The smells of fresh pine, dirt, and flowers helped me escape the real world for a second. For a short period of time I felt like I was not even in Lakeland. I did not know where I was. I even had the sensation of being watched by nature. I imagined what nature would say to me. Would it say, "Look at that human, what is he doing here? His race destroys us! Go away!" I was mesmerized by the beauty of the setting sun over the trees and the faint wind that sent the scents of the fresh vegetation to my nostrils was very welcomed. I thought back to how this earth must have been when Adam and Eve lived together in the garden. My mind was captured by the beauty around me that imagining what it was back then made me sick. It also made me mad at Adam! I felt like he messed it up for me. Then this reminded me of all the bad things I was capable of. I found that being in nature probably brought out the true nature of my being. Here I am, a person in this big world that has intricate systems and layers. Being in nature made me realize that I am much more intricate than a single tree or bush. But nature relies on each other for so many things, and in this way it was a good reminder for me that I need to be in community with others in my "ecosystem" and with the maker of it all. So yes, nature did bring out my flaws and also brought me joy. It provided a much needed escape and awakening for my being.

Himalayan Cedar

Since this poem by Hass is so descriptive I decided to paint my favorite passage. The passage I shared in class. "Through blurred glass Gusts of a Pacific storm rocking a huge, shank-needled Himalayan cedar. Under it a Japanese plum throws off a vertical cascade of leaves the color of skinned copper, if copper could be skinned."

Lectio Divina

"Over the course of my year-long experience of prayer, research, and reflection with Hopkins' poetry, my undergraduate naiveté and novitiate delight evolved into a profound sense of the transformative potential within poetry."
    When reading this passage, one should try to apply a perspective that could help him. To be open to a "transformation" like this passage suggests, one has to go into this reading with an open mind. It would not be a bad idea to research the author of this essay, Francis X. McAloon, to really get to know him. In this essay "Reading for Transformation through the Poetry of Gerard Manley Hopkins," McAloon suggests he has trouble comprehending what the meaning of Hopkins's works mean. To apply a particular theoretical perspective to this essay, I think one should experience what McAloon talks about first hand. McAloon talks about how he devoted a full year to the practice of immersing himself with Hopkins's poetry. To truly understand what McAloon means when he writes about reading for transformation, one should apply the practices this author applied. Now, I'm not saying to go on a full-fledged/year-long study of Francis, but I would suggest that one practice lectio divina. I believe to learn something; I have to experience or do what I'm supposed to learn. McAloon used lectio divina to understand Hopkins, so you should use lectio divina to understand what Francis means when he writes about reading for transformation. Take a few lines or a passage from this essay and meditate on it. It might seem awkward but to really tap into his mind and what he is trying to inform us about through this essay, use what he used (lectio divina) to come to a realization or "transformative eureka."
     To make myself clear, I want the readers of this essay to pick apart what McAloon writes about by selecting a passage like the one I quoted above and use the process of lectio to understand the gist of this essay. I don't know if it will work but it is possible it can shed light on the essay's information.

PASS!

I AM USING MY FIRST OF TWO BLOG PASSES!

Reality

"The silence, the darkness coming, and the darkness in the faces frighten the child obscurely. He hopes that the hand which strokes his forehead will never stop-will never die. He hopes that there will never come a time when the old folks won't be sitting around the living room, talking about where they've come from, and what they've seen, and what's happened to them and their kinfolk. But something deep and watchful in the child knows that this is bound to end, is already ending."
     Lately I have been feeling the same way about life as the children do in "Sonny's Blues." When one thinks about how these children think about life, it is bleak. Growing up and realizing that life has dark places and times ahead of you is a scary thing to face. I would go as far as saying that this way of thinking never leaves anybody, no matter how old he or she is. The fact that one grows in maturity and is used to being in darkness makes them more aware of the hurt and disappointment it brings. Now these kids, who grew up in Harlem, have probably seen and experienced more darkness than I have when I was their age, but its all relative. My darkness is just as daunting as theirs, no matter how dark their situations may be.
    I am at the point in my life where the decisions I have to make will shortly bring me satisfaction or failure. When I think about what the future holds, I can't help but worry about my current situations. Am I really supposed to pursue the major I am studying? I have experienced death for the first time in my life last month. The dog who had been apart of my life for 14 years, and was like the sister I never had, passed away. This indeed was a dark-reflective time. I am turning 20 years old in 3 weeks. I told my friend this, and he jokingly said, "yea man, you're old. At least 1/4 of your life is over, and maybe even 1/3."
    Maybe the dark times ahead for these children do not encompass what mine are, but I have peace about my life. If I could tell these kids one thing it would be "there is hope." I do not know about their relationships with God or their outlooks on life, but hope would be the message I would portray to them. But then again, maybe they have a better understanding of the reality of this life, but I might have a better understanding of the reality of the life that matters-the one with God.

Deep Conversations

"In this story, as in many other conversations in the gospels, we can see Jesus listening and responding, asking questions and answering questions- and then letting the people he's talking with decide in their own mind what they believed. All of this underscores how integral conversation and dialogue were to Jesus, to his character and to the way he lived on earth."
 This passage from professor Corrigan's One of the Main Things Jesus Did Was Have Deep Conversations notes, brings out a quality I have seen in my closest friend Ron. As Christ-followers "we can consider Jesus as a preeminent example for practicing dialogue and conversation in teaching, learning, and living." Ron, my closest friend does just what Corrigan said we can do, as we strive to be like Jesus in everything we do.
     It was a warm night in September in Orlando, Florida. I had driven up after my classes that Thursday to be with Ron and see his family. His family had been granted, by the make a wish foundation, a wish to go to Disney World. The first thing Ron did that exemplified Jesus was his act of taking time away from his family to be with me. He gave me a golf lesson at a near by driving range to get me ready for the first golf tournament of the year. After this he treated me to dinner at a fantastic pizza place called Giordano's. After we ate our meat lovers supreme pizza, Ron and I went on an errand to pick up swim floaties for his 3 daughters.
   This is part of the night where Ron engages what Professor Corrigan talks about, in his notes concerning the story of Jesus and the two men on the road to Emmaus. The check out attendant at the store was a Muslim women. We could tell by the way she greeted the people in line in front of us and by her facial expressions when she saw us, that she had put up a shield towards Americans. Maybe many Americans had despised her because she was Muslim after the 9/11 attack. She was dressed in the traditional Muslim attire and had the cold impermeable stare on her face when Ron placed the swim floaties on the counter. Ron, who is always aware of the Holy Spirit, models Jesus and the conversation he had with the two men in Luke 24. The Holy Spirit softened her heart and the opportunity came for Ron to model Jesus when she asked him about the swim floaties. From then, Ron answers her questions about what he does, what his parents do and somewhere in between he asks her about her homeland and if she missed her family. He even makes a remark about American culture compared to other cultures around the world. "Other cultures are have deep roots, but in America there is not a lot of appreciation for traditions or heritage because it is a diverse country made up of many nations." Now of course Ron knows that the Muslim religion and way of life has deep traditions and heritage. What he was doing when he told her this, in response to one of her questions, was acknowledge and honor her religion. He made her feel welcomed to America, and loved. She soon figured out that Ron was a missionary because of the questions that she asked about his occupation. But Ron never came out and said, "I am a missionary." He answered her questions with respect towards her country and religion. from the beginning of the conversation to the end, the countenance of her faced changed from solemn and defensive to appreciative and respectful.
     Even though Ron did not get the chance to witness to her, he planted a seed in her heart to maybe one day accept the same faith that Ron displayed he had. Later on that night Ron told me that many unbelievers look at Christianity as a hypocritical religion. One that does not do anything for other people of other religions. Ron showed respect and love to her religion and people by being passive and humble in his approach of living as a Christ-follower. Who knows, maybe because Ron did not force his religion on her, her heart will be more susceptible to God.

Yet Another Day

    
     He woke up to the sound of cabs honking. Brushing back his long oily hair and staring up to another bright cold morning he thought to himself "what another beautiful day." Everything was as it was the night before except that the dim light of the fire had burnt out. The hot ashes filled his nostrils with yet another day of "opportunity" or so he thought. The streets were as busy as usual and Time Square was filled with the routines of yet another day of big city life. Business men in suits with briefcases got out of cabs and walked towards their work places, an all too familiar sight for the oily-haired man. He opened his briefcase and reached for one of his KFC finger wipes to clean his sun tanned face. This morning he went without breakfast but his spirits were full of life. Standing up and stretching his arms over his head, he straightened up his wrinkled and old suit jacket, as well as his faded slacks. The faded black dress shoes seemed to go with his entire shabby outfit. His full graying beard complimented his grey dress shirt, which he wore beneath his jacket and his dark brown eyes were like the color of acorns.
     As he commenced the day, his gate began to loosen with each step from the aches of sleeping on the cold hard ground which he was accustomed to. He made his way to the usual posts were he would spend the rest of the work day until the sun went down. Then he would go back to his resting place between two small buildings. He walked down to the street corner of 43rd and Broadway to stand outside and begin his work. Many people would overlook him and not even recognize who he once was. His job-to help people out in any way he could. He would recognize tourists and point them in the right direction, help elderly people cross the busy streets, give away what little food he carried in his briefcase to the homeless, and most significantly he always kept an eye open for the CEO or business man to share his knowledge with. One particular morning the rare opportunity came for this wise-old man to share his life changing knowledge.
     It was December 24th at 6:15 a.m. when Alex's alarm clock went off. "Oh man another day at work!" Why can’t I have some time to spend with my family and relax? But then who would go to work and support the family?" Just then Alex's two 8 year old twin children Tucker and Kasey came screaming in his room to hit him with their pillows. Alex's wife, who was still asleep, paid them no attention and kept asleep through the attack. "Stop Tucker and Kasey, don't you all realize that I have been working all through the night and want just 30 more minutes of sleep?" "Come on daddy!" they yelled, "won’t you just play with us? It is Saturday and Christmas is tomorrow, you should play with us because you don't have work!" "Actually guys I do have to go into work, I know I promised I would spend today with you all, but daddy needs to work." Just then Alex's wife turned over from her side of bed and looked at Alex. Tucker and Kasey ran out of the bedroom to chase down Sammy, the family dog. "Honey, I thought you said your boss gave you today off? Won’t you please not go in to work and spend today with the kids and me? Remember that we have been planning this day for months now and I want the kids to remember it forever." Alex and his wife, Scarlet, had been planning on surprising their kids by taking them camping and spending Christmas Eve and Christmas day up at Alex's parents' backwoods property in northern New Hampshire. Alex, with bags under his eyes from all the long hours he had put in at the office looked at Scarlet with his intense blue eyes and outright ignored Scarlet's plea. "You know that if I don't crack this new deal with the Jumeirah Hotel Corporation then my boss won’t make me his partner." "But Alex you have missed their 7th birthday party back in September, your parent's 40th wedding anniversary party back in October, and the Thanksgiving family reunion back in November." "I know Scarlet, but I want this job. If I get the promotion, all of this busting my butt and missing important events will pay off. I will be able to buy our new house we have been dreaming of out in Lake Pleasant, New Hampshire, and enroll the kids into the best boarding school in New England." Kasey and Tucker are supposed to be in 3rd grade but are so intellectually developed that they are taking a 6th grade home school curriculum with their mother. "I don't want them to miss out on an education that missed out on; I don't care what I have to do. I know my boss has promised me this promotion, but since then it has been 2 years and all my projects have been successful, but this one Scarlet is the deal breaker!" "I hope you realize that life only happens once Alex, and the time you miss with your family can never be replaced." "Don't give me that Scarlet, I am working my ass off to make better times for this family!"
     Alex got out of bed and went through yet another daily routine off brushing his teeth, showering, and dressing. His tailored black suit complimented his masculine features, while his clean shaven taught him all the valuable lessons that Alex used to land his job with Business Bay Towers, a hotel architecture business based in New York, NY.
     Alex arrived at the subway station that would take him to the corporate offices near Time Square. It was an awfully busy day in New York. Shoppers were rushing everywhere to get their last minute Christmas shopping done. Alex hopped off the sub and headed up toward 43rd and Broadway where his office was located. While walking in the sea of people, someone bumped him and his briefcase fell to the ground sending blueprints every which way. To his surprise as he frantically bent over to retrieve his papers, an oily-haired man with a faded suit jacket and slacks bent down to help him. Alex was shocked when he looked into the dark brown eyes and knew immediately who he was. He had seen this face in architectural scholarly sources while attending college at North Carolina State and studying engineering. Jonathan Wright, Frank Lloyd Wright's grandson, whose facial features had been barely preserved throughout the years, was staring into Alex's eyes. "I see you have some blueprints for a new hotel there," he said as he helped Alex gather up the remaining papers. "Yes sir, I am working on a huge project for Jumeirah Hotels in Dubai." "Ah!" "Dubai, what a lovely place. I take it you are up for a promotion; going into work on Christmas Eve is serious stuff! I have been in your position before." Alex was in a surreal moment at this time and in his head he started going over all of the famous buildings Wright had planned. "Yes sir, my boss told me that if I crack this project and land the building contract with Jumeirah then I get a promotion to be his partner." Wright seemed to know exactly what situation Alex was presented with and began to tell Alex about his rise to the top of financial prosperity. He then really got Alex's attention when he talked about the dangers of putting work before family. "It destroyed my relationship with my wife and kids. If I could do it over I would never have consumed my life with work. Life only happens once though, and the time you get with your family can never be replaced. I grew up with the expectation to be famous. My dad's dad, the famous Frank Lloyd Wright, was the most well known architect of his time. My father, who never lived up to my grandfather's expectations, was an owner of a small restaurant. I never had the things my friends had, and I was only known for being the son of the son of one of the greatest architects in the 20th century. I grew up telling myself that I would never end up like my father. I wanted to be famous like my grandfather. I jumped at the first opportunity and accepted a loan to go to the college of William and Mary. There I met my wife and shortly after my graduation had two kids. I wanted more than a modest job and family life; I wanted the fortune of my desired career. As soon as I could, I left my family and moved overseas for 10 years to Saudi Arabia to work on skyscrapers, and hotels. I gave my word I would return to them but tragically I never saw them again. They were murdered in cold blood during my last year of overseas work. I was crushed, and decided that fame and fortune were not as important as being with people and sharing life with them. So I gave everything away and decided to live on the streets. Constant awareness of the hurting and hopeless people, like you, is who I live for. This Alex is what truly gives me joy." Alex was speechless and thought of his family and situation compared to this once famous architect's life.
     Jonathan left Alex with a statement that has stayed with him for the rest of his life. On that cold and wet day, standing on the street corner of 43rd and Broadway with the smell of Christmas in the air, Alex promised himself to put family over work. Alex went home that day with a new love for his two children and wife. Every time he looks up and sees the skyscrapers of New York, he thinks of Jonathan and his life and all that came with his wrong ambitions.  

Onions have Layers (Extra Blog Post)

When reading "this blessed house" one can apply the 3 layered perspective to the characters Sanjeev and Twinkle. The first layer (outer self) is like the earth's crust or tip of an ice burg. It only shows tangible characteristics like how one might move, appear, sound and so on. It also entails the things one might say, do, and think and how another responds to them; including the things others say to or about them. Most people usually only see themselves from this outer layer perspective and sometimes the next layer perspective, the inner layer. This inner layer includes deep memories and a sense of self, and represents the earth's mantel or the rest of the ice burg underwater. But the most important part of the onion of oneself is the 3rd layer- the Self in God Layer. This is the deepest part of who a person is. Now of course this is the deepest part of who some one is because it is the only layer that will last forever, and in this layer is who God created us to be. This layer represents the earth's core or the water and air in the ice burg.
     Twinkle is a funny and easy-going Indian women who grew up in California. She does not know very many people in Manhattan except her husband Sanjeev and an ex-boyfriend. She is curious by nature and likes to do things at a leisurely pace. The main thing she is curious about is the Christian relics that were left behind from the previous owners. She has deep memories with her husband, Sanjeev. Their parents arranged them to meet at a restaurant and she can remember what they ate, what they agreed upon, and how charming Sanjeev was when he filled her teacup up. Sanjeev is an Indian man who studied engineering at MIT and now works for a firm with a dozen people under him who will do whatever he asks of them. He is an overachiever and is being considered for a vice presidential position. Both are Hindus and Sanjeev does not have as much tolerance as Twinkle when it comes to Christianity. Although he does show some respect to Twinkle by making compromises to keep the Christian paraphernalia that she wants to keep. He has deep memories about the first time he told Twinkle he loved her at the movie theater. The third layer does not apply to these characters because they do not believe in God. It is impossible for the reader to know who these characters are in God because no one fully knows who they are in God. The ignorance of not knowing ourselves in God is a product of Adam and Eve's fall from God. However, we can imply at least one significant characteristic about any living person; God created them. With this in mind, our understanding of other people and how we as Christ followers should act towards them should drastically change the lens in which we view them.

You can't see me!

     As I sat in MiCasa Cafe Wednesday night I felt some what like I was not there at all. My assignment, to watch other people. I usually do this with out knowing, but when Corrigan gave me 5 things to notice about the people I was supposed to watch my eyes were opened to some pretty insightful stuff. The sensation was weird, I could almost imagine myself as an undercover FBI agent who was scoping out my target. The ironic thing was that I felt invisible and almost all-knowing. I could see people but they could not see me. This spell of thinking was broken when a friend of mine noticed me in the corner taking notes. She came up to me and asked what I was doing and I simply told her, "people watching." At first she laughed and then she saw I was serious because of my elaborate notes. I then asked her what she was doing and she told me, "I was actually watching you!" This shocked me and I felt vulnerable because I wondered if she had the same 5 steps in her head as she watched me. This is nonsense to think that she was watching me in the same way. Who would naturally do that? Maybe some weird stalker, or a lovesick admirer, but not a normal guy who would sit down at a cafe for a cup of coffee.      Here are the five ways to present/develop characters
a) physical description (what they wear, way they move and sound)
b) the things they say
c) the things they do
d) the way they are responded to; including the things others say about them
e) their thoughts, if they are shown
     He was dressed in nice black dress-shirt with some dark jeans. His movements reminded me of a puppy who was surrounded by little kids. Nothing seemed to hold his attention very long. He texted on his cell phone for a couple of seconds then would resume his conversation with a couple of people sitting at a table. He would then look up after briefly making eye contact and glance at the TV screen to watch Sports Center. After that got old he wondered off to another table to talk with some more people. The people he makes small talk with do not say much back, and when he realizes they will not give him attention, it is off to another table and then finally some food. I could not tell what he was thinking, but after a bit of observation I guess he was looking for some one who would give him attention. Maybe he thought that the people he engaged with were boring. Nonetheless this exciting observation practice with the 5 things in mind put myself in my subjects shoes.

Character Notes from "the Literary Experience" and "Notes on Character"

1) character: the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing.
2) character: a person represented in a drama, story, etc.
3) Vividly imagined characters can, in effect, speak to the writers who create them-not just the audience
4) If we don't conceive characters as people we have the ability to know, then they will seem fake, unconvincing, and insignificant
5) Protagonist is usually the hero or heroine (the good guy)
6) Antagonist is the villain (the bad guy)
7) Characterization: (the technique of creating a sense of character)
8) Some authors' characterization methods may seem discrete, allowing the characters to dialogue and letting the reader listen and observe things for himself.
9) Asking "why" questions leads writers into developing powerful ideas
10) A "what" question could be a good starting place for description and summary
11) A "how" question might turn a writer to the artist's craft as opposed to the character's development
12) The simplest "whys" can lead to a significant and deeply interacting sense of character
13) Many artists get their ideas of characters from people close to them (family, friends, co-workers)
14) Building concern for a character is a vital step in immersing oneself in literature
15) Concern for character often grows from immediate personal concerns and identification with the character
16) Dynamic character changes throughout the literary work
17) Static character does not change throughout the work
18) Round character have depth many dimensions to their being
19) Flat characters are not known by the audience they are superficial
20) stock characters are flat characters who may be of use to help move a plot forward or provide a little bit of significant information necessary for a larger purpose.
21) simple characters that are used to unveil qualities and complexities of major characters are termed foils
22) characters are developed by being shown live in action through: physical description (what they wear, way they move and sound), the things they say, the things they do, the way they are responded to, and their thoughts, if they are shown

Painting!!

     When I first heard we had to paint in this literature class I did not know what to expect. Were we going to have to paint a picture from a scene in a story or play? Were we going to have to paint a masterpiece for a grade? But when the time came to paint, I was delighted to hear that we were going to paint what we visualized from passages in the book of Joel. The foundation of the painting exercise started when I shouted some passages to the lake out in front of campus. Though it was an awkward "conversation" with the water, after I we finished images popped in my head immediately. I could almost see the lake being drained in front of my eyes and the tall weeds around it being burnt up by flames. This is the line that stuck out the most to me.
     "For the water brooks are dried up and fire has devoured the pastures of the wilderness."

During the painting process, the reminders that Professor Corrigan wrote on the board helped keep me focus. I was so focused that I got lost in my work, and for the time being was in my own world imagining what it would be like if I lived in the time of Joel. The process took this passage and made it come alive. I knew from a previous art class I took in high school that it was impossible to mess up, or so my teacher told me. I actually messed up on the dried up brook, but created a visual effect from it. To further reinforce what my art teacher said about it being impossible to mess up, once our allotted time to paint ended I foolishly put a scrap sheet of paper on top of the still wet paint! When I removed it, some of the paper stuck to the paint. Trying to scrape of the paper was a nuisance, not all of it came off. It turned out okay though; I look at it and see the paper as little pieces of ash from the fire that is devouring the wilderness. Take a look at it yourself, what do you think?

Joel Painting

dried up brook, and devastated pastures

This is my painting that I made during last class. I painted from the words used in Joel, "For the brooks are dried up and fire has devoured the pastures of the wilderness."

Why...?

     If one read the book of Joel, there might be some things they would find baffling or even contradictory. God gave Joel the words to speak and what Joel says at first is about the locust swarms and then about the fields and trees becoming bare. He then demands that the priests, vinedressers, and farmers should wail for their losses. No longer is there any wheat or fruit or gladness and joy in the house of God.

     "The herds of cattle wander aimlessly because their is no pasture for them; even the flocks of sheep suffer. For fire has devoured the pastures of the wilderness and the flame has burned up all the trees of the field. Even the beasts of the field pant for You; for the water brooks are dried up and the fire has devoured the pastures of the wilderness." The livestock are even suffering from this great starvation and drought. Have the people of the Lord done something to anger God? Have they brought these "locust" among themselves? Later on in the "Terrible Visitation" the Lord says, "Return to Me with all your heart, and with fasting, weeping and morning; and rend your heart and not your garments."

     Once this happens the Lord will be zealous for his land and He says, "I will never again make you a reproach among the nations." One might ask, "Why has God made his nation an object of scorn or contempt?" Would he not want to make his nation great? Later on in the "Terrible Visitation" the Lord says, "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten....My great army which I sent among you. Why would God send locust among his people?

    In the end, God will bless the people of Judah, and the nations who conquered Judah will be punished by God. But the question still remains, why did God do these things to his people? His people knew they were the chosen people of God and yet they must have still not followed the greatest commandment (found in Deuteronomy 6:5) Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and strength. God is a just God, and he must punish sin. This is what he did to his people because they turned from Him time and time again throughout the Old Testament (their disbelief when God promised them the Promised Land, Israel's cry for a human ruler/king, Babylonian captivity). It is also seen in the synoptic gospels that God was pleased with Jesus, but shortly after his baptism he was led by the spirit into the desert to be tempted. Why was Jesus lead by the holy Spirit to be tempted and suffer??--to show his obedience to his father and to prove that he was the Son of God. It seems that suffering is a necessary part of being one of God's children. But at the end of the book of Joel, His love is displayed because the people of Judah turned to Him though a rendering of their hearts, fasting, weeping, and mourning.

An inspiration from Elizabeth Bishop's "Night City" and "Five Flights Up"

Smoke is still on the horizon.
The cloud is coming our way.
In its midst the horrors can still be heard.
Many memories are laden with sorrow.

Who knows when the cloud will pass over us? Indeed it is on us.
When is it time for the new day to shed light on all that needs answering?
When will our memories be burnt away?
Are the past actions too gruesome to melt away?

The wounds of our hearts cannot be healed,
they lay open for the scavengers to feast upon.
Like a rotting bloody corpse its stench welcomes its prey.
Many come and try to heal, but end up dead.

Is this something that will heal on its own?
Or is the torture of the cloud the process of healing?
Oh, how we wish someone-something up above could see
all of the harm and injustice done unto us.

It seems all hope is lost,
The lakes of this town have flooded
with tears from our eyes.
For once we feel abandoned and freedom cannot be bought at any cost.

But wait! Up on the horizon,
behind the cloak of sorrow.
The beginning of a new time seems near,
and so does the smoky cloud's rear.

Will we be able to understand the new light's message?
Have our prayers been heard from somewhere up above?
There in the day's rays some evidence is seen.
It is possible that our sorrows will be swept away.

All that is needed is the new day to consume us.
We mustn't be the people who forget the past damage,
for it is in the grief that our freedom is made priceless.

A dog or a bird will know when and what the day brings,
because they are creatures created by the light.
They know bad things happen,
but know they will be taken care of by their masters.

We have to adopt the simple minds of simple creatures.
We have to remain loyal, like the dog, to see the answers that the light will bring.
The bird does not worry about what it will eat each day
because up above, the creator takes care of them in each and every way.

Oh the light is upon us!
Sometimes we slip back into the past.
But we must remember there's no need for this because the agony will never last.

Now we walk in the warmth of its many graces
and feel its merciful kisses on our faces.
The dark fog has evaporated and turned into day
and an impossible and depressing situation is turned gay.

Chapter 4 discussion

    In our last class discussion about A Grief Observed some interesting points came up. Some of the questions that emerged from the statements about God's character and who we think he is are as follows. What if what I thought about God did not have any fact or truth to it? What if, like Lewis, "my idea of God is not a divine idea." What if it had to be shattered time after time? What if He shatters it Himself? All these questions are very deep and sometimes hard to face. Have all my beliefs about who God is and what He does fall utterly short of who he really is and what he really does? Professor Corrigan mentioned to us in class that; we as a human race have to speak of God metaphorically because like in the bible and in Jesus' teachings and parables, metaphors are the closest things to describe God and the way things work. When we use metaphors, circumstances and events are understood. Like professor Corrigan said in class, words (language) cannot fully explain the character or qualities of God. I think to understand somewhat the qualities of God we first have to recognize the simple things we come across every day. What is something we encounter every day? Nature. We see nature and the processes that occur in nature every day, from the morning dew evaporating to the millions of stars welcoming a dark night. If we can learn to have an understanding of nature and a heart of gratitude because we are God's prized possessions (like it says in James Chapter One) then some qualities of God might not be so elusive.
     Towards the end of last class professor Corrigan shared with us his favorite line in the whole book. "Not my idea of God, but God." Later on after this line Lewis writes, "Talking and acting not to the man himself but to the picture-almost the precis-we've made of him in our on minds?" We do the same thing with God, until he reveals a little bit of his character which changes our whole perspective on who or what God does. I took the 5 minutes professor Corrigan gave us when he dismissed us early and thought about the line "Not my idea of God, but God." My mind was drawn to a verse in Romans that helped me really want what C.S. Lewis wants. This verse has been on my heart ever since the athletic leadership retreat I was a apart of back in early September. One of the speakers highlighted this verse because the theme of the retreat was to know God more intimately. It is funny how reading this chapter and listening to the discussions in class have led my mind to this same verse. Romans 12:1-2 "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." If God will reveal his will to us, it could also reflect who he really is, not who we think he is.

Chapter 3 "A Grief Observed"

"What sort of a lover am I to think so much about my affliction and so much less about hers? Even the insane call, 'Come back,' is all for my sake." This quote in Chapter 3 makes me examine my close relationships. Are they only to satisfy my desires, or can they be used to positively affect more people?
     Ron an ex-professional, golfer, and ex-Division I golf coach at South Missouri State came to Winston-Salem, North Carolina because God called him to pastor junior high students at a local church. While Ron was there he grew spiritually and endured many hardships. The biggest setback for Ron was when his second daughter was born with many physical and mental disabilities. While Ron was in Winston, he befriended one of his jr. high students. This student in particular was nothing special in himself, but Ron saw something in him that was special. The kid did not know why Ron invested so much in him but nonetheless, the kid gladly accepted his friendship. This kid had a huge dream to become a professional golfer and Ron believed in the kid's dream. One thought that kept coming to the kid's mind was, "why does Ron care and invest so much in me even though he has a disabled daughter?" Many hours were spent on the golf course and driving range pursuing the kid's dream. Little did he know that Ron was investing in something much more than his dream. Ron used the kid's dream as a catalyst to deepen their relationship- a 33 year old man became the jr high student's best friend. Because of this friendship, the kid grew closer to God.
     The kid is now a college student. Although the dream remains the same, the focus has shifted because something occurred. Ron moved to Indonesia with his family, including his handicapped daughter. While there spreading the gospel to an unreached tribe, he was murdered.
     I am the kid that was talked about in this story. Ron, and everything described in this story is true, except his murder in Thailand. In January 2011, Ron is moving to Indonesia as a missionary. His main mission-to spread the gospel message to lost people. Reading chapter 3 made me think about this relationship because if Ron died I might act in the same way as C.S. Lewis did. As I read chapter 3, I think of how Ron has been so unselfish by befriending me back in 5th grade. Yet, my thoughts react selfishly, even though every action he has demonstrated towards me has been unselfish. In the end I'd like not to be as selfish as C.S. Lewis describes himself to be in chapter 3, who out of his own need wanted to hold back his lover from her Maker. Instead, I want to learn from this reading and allow my own wants to dwindle in comparison to my love for the greater outcome of Ron's life.

Cemetery Thoughts

     "I went to the Lakeview, Roselawn and Tiger Flowers cemetery complex for this field trip, and I stayed there for at least 40 minutes."

     Some thoughts that came to me were; "I don't want to be buried  because I don't want people hanging around a cemetery because I am 'there'." I don't want to be confined to a hole in the ground. "I don't want my parents to die, they always believe in me and life without them would be discouraging." I strangely missed my parents as I walked around the cemetery. "What impact did all these dead people have on other lives?" How did God use them to be lights in this dark world?

Table Talk

Talking over lunch with my friends Seth, Cole, and Sterling was a very great experience. At first not a lot was said, but it soon escalated when Sterling brought up the piece of literature he brought to talk about. The name of the piece was "Nice and Blue part 2" by the band Mewithoutyou. We all agreed about and discussed the meaning of each line in the song. It was relevant to us because we had all been in love before. Sterling pointed out what each line meant to him and Seth, Cole, and I found we could also relate to the lyrics. The song talks about how staying in a relationship that is not working out can be a huge hassle. The line that says, "there strapped like a watch on my wrist that's finished with gold but can't tell the time was all or what little pleasure exists seductively sold and uselessly mine" is a line that sums up the singer's troubles that are occurring in his relationship. The beautiful gold watch represents a beautiful girl, but the watch is useless because its main function is disabled. This disablement represents the superficial quality of the relationship, meaning people may view the couple as perfect for each other when the real quality of the relationship is dead. The reason why this topic became the root of our lunch discussion was because love and pain was the issue. This further backs up the love and death themes that our literature class is studying. It really does seem that when love or death or love and death are the theme in a particular piece of literature, emotions of the readers are deeply connected to that piece. Why is this? Love and death are complex because they involve multiple people, not just one person. Ever heard of a song that talked about love and not thought of at least one person...? I haven't. By the end of the song, the artist sings this line, "the true light of my eyes is a pearl equally emptied to equally shine and all or what little joy in the world seemed suddenly simple and endlessly mine." Basically, we have the ability to endure a tremendous amount of pain and in the end come out on the other side with valuable lessons learned, and from these lessons we have the joy of knowing we have grown in spite of being torn down at first.

chapter one "A Grief Observed"

How C.S. Lewis explains the troubles and questions he goes through sheds light on how much God is in the world. "Meanwhile where is God?" Even though C.S. has trouble finding God in this dark time of his life, I am encouraged by the fact that God is everywhere in this world because he wants to be. "We have seen the faces of those we know best so variously, from so many angles, in so many lights, with so many expressions-walking , sleeping, laughing, crying, eating, talking, thinking-that all the impressions crowd into our memory together and cancel out into a mere blur." This quote from chapter one made me think of all the things in which God is present because he made all that is good. Here is a verse from Romans that explains what I mean; "They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and the sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities-his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God." I understand that in times of deep troubles, God can seem non-existent, I've felt this way before. But, the fact that you cannot feel God does not mean he is not there. I strongly believe that people encounter tragedies because they are a part of life. Things happen because sin is apart of our nature. As a Christ-follower, C.S. Lewis knows that without trials and troubles one's faith cannot be tested. He is just having a hard time understanding why this love was taken away when it seemed like it had just started. The funny thing is that H. and Lewis both knew they would face separation yet they still chose to love each other. This speaks volumes of encouragement concerning God's love for us because his love is far greater and more perfect than our human love. How do we know this? Well, as you can see from the first chapter of this book, C.S only focuses on his pain, and even feels guilty because he thinks he is an embarrassment to others. On the other hand, Jesus came to earth thinking about our pain and grief. His whole earthly ministry revolved around serving others, not his human desire to stay comfortable.

Love Flying Blind Fat Kids

There are two 7 year old kids talking to each other on a playground during recess. Johnny gets his friend Frankie's attention and asks him what he wants to be when he grows up. Frankie looks at Johnny and tells him he wants to be a basketball player. Frankie is a short, fat, white boy who has no athletic ability and cannot run in a straight line if he tried. Johnny responds to Frankie as they swing on the swing set, which happens to be the limit to Frankie's athletic abilities, "Ya know Frank, that is a good idea, I believe it will happen for you." Frankie then asks Johnny what he wants to be when he grows up. Johnny says to Frankie, "I want to fly airplanes." Now Johnny lost his sight in an automobile accident when he was only five years old, doctors told him he will never be able to see again. In the same way these kids are ignorant about their limitations, Mel, Laura, Terri, and Nick are ignorant about love. Terri mentions that Ed loved her when she says, "It was love (referring to Ed's actions toward her)." "Sure it's abnormal in most people's eyes. But he was willing to die for it. He did die for it." I think Terri wanted Ed to love her but Ed did what he did because he was crazy, not crazy in love with her. But when we get down to the bottom of this story in What We Talk about When We Talk about Love, every character displays the same outrageous ambition that Johnny and Frankie do, despite their multiple marriages and crazy "love stories". To me it seems like they are all searching for the true meaning of love, and just like the two boys are aspiring to become something they cannot, these characters cannot define love because in their cases, love has taken on many insufficient roles.

Literary Profile

   My earliest memories of literature are very vague, so I guess they were not profound. I can remember my mother sitting on my bed, with my younger brother Seth, reading "Ferdinand the Bull". I cannot remember exactly how the story went, but all I can recall was that Ferdinand did not like to fight, he was a gentle giant. This story was not my favorite; I liked Frank Peretti's "Cooper Kids Adventure Series." My father would read these books to Seth and I, but sometimes they would get so intense that Seth would leave scared out of his mind. Many wild dreams followed these bedtime stories my father read aloud, and some moral lessons were learned through these youth-fiction literary works. Nursery rhymes were foreign in my house, except for the occasional "this little piggy-touch the toes" one. In place of them were my father's piano masterpieces, or so they seemed to me. He would gracefully tickle the keys, with his eyes closed, while perfectly performing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Frederic Chopin's Prelude in E-Minor, or Mozart's C Major Sonata. The most significant literary text I have read has also been the most recent book I have read. William P Young's "The Shack" is life-changing. It describes God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in a beautiful way that is easy to understand. The spiritual message of God's love for man-kind that Young communicates through the characters in the book is overwhelming and uplifting. During the time I read this book, pain plagued my body and mind. It seemed like my dreams of playing professional golf were slowly being ebbed away. This book helped me accept my pain and give it to Jesus. Literature matters because without it, I would not be able to write this post because when learning how to write one has to have the skills to read. I would not be able to read for knowledge or pleasure, or I would not be able to grow spiritually through reading the Bible. Literature does not matter when I do something instinctively, like flinching from someone throwing a punch at my face, eating or drinking when my body needs nourishment, or using the toilet. Basically, literature is a part of life, taking it away would alter everything about our world.